Friday, January 1, 2010

Rant - Star Trek Special Edition Case Insert

Ok, I know I just wrote in length about a DVD and I don't want to give the wrong impression about what manner of blog this is, but this rant is gonna happen.

I was generously given the new Star Trek (Two-Disc Digital Copy Edition) for Christmas. It is worth noting on the side that this came with quite an enjoyable movie that I absolutely love, a digital copy of it and a ton of extras, but frankly, that is all entirely ruined by the horrible, horrible packaging. And no, I refer not simply to the image I have included. It gets far, far worse.

Like many special editions, this one has a cardboard sleeve, and that is what's pictured here. The front and back of it are virtually identical, providing no useful information beyond what the DVD is and who directed it. Ok, that's fine. Once that's slid off, it'll be real front cover with cool art and a back cover with info about the movie, right?

Well, no. No there isn't. Front cover: close up of Kirk's face. Back cover: close up of Spock's face.

What the hell?! Yes, these are the lead characters and I suppose they are both handsome, sexy men, but their smug mugs provide me with no useful information. The back of the box is supposed to tell you things about the movie, such as a description, run time, main credits, etc. It's not supposed to be an uncomfortable close up of a Vulcan. That's what Vulcan porn is for!

And there are tons of cool visuals from the movie they could have decorated the covers with. Space battles, aliens, Uhura in her underwear, but no. Kirk and Spock. That is failure of the highest caliber.

Now, all of this could be made up for somewhat with an insert that provides the information that SHOULD BE ON THE BACK COVER, but no. All that's there in its place is an insert that advertises some Star Trek related thing I don't care about and a registration code to unlock the digital copy. Like an animal, I have to load up the DVDs, of which there are TWO to consider, to find out what the extras are! This information should be readily available without having to insert a damn thing!

So, yes, the 2009 Star Trek is a wonderfully fun and exciting movie that I love and will frequently watch, but I will forever be enraged by this packaging. In order to make things right with the universe, I will personally destroy this packaging and replace it with far superior packaging of my own design.

After I have smashed,  burned, and eaten the ashes of the original packaging (which is horribly unhealthy and may or may not kill me), I will construct out of the highest quality cardboard I can find at Office Depot a suitable throne for this movie and the DVDs which contain it. This new casing, which will stand as tall as me, will contain images of battle, friendship, adventure, and many, many images of Uhura that may or may not have been photo-shopped prior to their inclusion. This is all assuming I survive the ingestion of the previous packaging, but if I do, it will be a glorious monument honored for generations to come and remembered long after our own sun has been extinguished by the cruel passage of time.

So, to summarize, I believe the box art for this DVD could have been better.


  1. Will you post images of this. Perhaps in some sort of printable format for use on other people's copies that are similarly cursed?

  2. I Completely Agree with Dan on this one. It was a great movie, But it is definitely lacking in "Movie Details". I am a Computer lover/Gamer, And If I see a game that I Liked the Sequel, But there Is no back details (Such as number of players, if it is co-op, and supports system-link I get IRRITATED BEYOND MY WHITS!!!!!

    I think a box should have The image on the front, and Detailed Information on the back, Not a face <(This would only be ok if there was info on the Front!!!)

    10/10 I totally agree, I would Rant too but i already did.

  3. Correction "If i see a game that I Enjoyed the Prequel"

  4. Remember to eat a copy of "Bruno" along with the Star Treck cover. The evils of both shall cancel each other out, and you will survive... mostly unscathed...

  5. *trek

    I should spell check before posting next time...

  6. So... If it had pictures of Uhura in her underwear instead of Kirk and Spock's faces, you'd have nicer things to say about it?

    Also, when you said "vulcan porn", it reminded me of this really strange KirkxSpock fanfiction that my friend told me about... o_O

  7. My copy of the 2 disk DVD has an insert that slides onto the back cover which has all you list. The credits, the run time, the rating, the special features etc etc. It's annoying it's only a little slip of paper but it is there. It even has exciting pictures involving characters who aren't Kirk and Spock.
    Perhaps this is a UK only thing?

  8. Wow, that sounds much, much worse than any of the bad packaging on DVDs I've aquired recently, and I've seen some bad ones.

    Seems like DVD packaging quality in general is really dropping.

  9. I too had that little slip of paper of info saran-wrapped in with my 2-disc set, and I live in Oklahoma.

  10. You should copy this to an amazon review. The buyers need to know.

  11. Hmm, this really says something about the movie and its creators: 'we think we're so magnificent and popular that we don't even need to give technical specifications or information about our product because you should ALREADY KNOW IT."

    Oh, and pardon me, but the only thing I could think before reading the last paragraph was

  12. I completely agree and would like to add that I find the cardboard covers so many special edition DVDs annoying in the first place. It's a completely pointless extra piece of packaging, which often repeats whatever is on the internal plastic case.

    It just seems to me to be really unnecessary. It'd be like having a VHS that came in one of those plastic cases all the Disney movies came in have an additional cardboard slide-out box inside the plastic case, just like what most VHSs came in.