Other Universes And Why We Probably Aren't In Them

Family Guy is owned by FOX. Also, the
episode this is from was pretty good.

Parallel universes are a fun science fiction trope. Imagine a world similar to our own where things are very similar but different. Universes where someone else won that one big war, or dragons roam the Earth, or the Star Wars prequels kicked ass. And in these universes, there are various versions of yourself, identical, yet different.

Except that last part is illogical.

Before I continue, I want to make a few things clear. This hypothesis is based on cause and effect, probability, and biology. For all I know, fate is a real thing, and if some all powerful being wants The Daily Show With Jon Stewart to be a constant in the multiverse, then yes, Jon Stewart will exist in all continuities regardless of anything I'm about to say.

Given that we can neither prove nor disprove things such as fate and destiny, however, that is not being considered here and is a different debate altogether.

For the purpose of this argument, the definition of a dimensional alternate is "someone born with identical DNA". It doesn't matter if they mutate later or whatever; so long as they're born with DNA identical to someone in another universe, they're someone's alternate. This ignore's any spiritual or other technical ways one could arguably be an alternate.

Odds of Someone's Parents Meeting

There are so many factors involved here that I honestly don't know how to calculate it. I don't think anyone could. The odds of two specific people getting together in one universe are low enough, but in more than one universe with different histories?

Consider one of my examples where something is crazily different, and the Star Wars prequels KICKED ASS! But what if two people met and fell in love over the internet as a result of their mutual hatred for the prequels? In a universe where there was nothing to complain about, would they still get together, let alone know that the other person even exists?

It's a silly example, but consider any "how did you meet" story, and you can find points where you could have prevented them from meeting by changing just one little thing. Now consider a universe where America lost the Revolutionary war. Imagine how many "little things" that would change.

Again, this argument doesn't factor in fate, the force, cupid, etc, so don't comment with "true wuv" or, well.... I guess I'd just sit at the computer and look annoyed. Not much else I could do, really.

Odds of a Specific Person Being Born

Let's say that in spite of President Lincoln being a space dingo democrat in this other universe, one's parents still meet and have children. The odds of one's dimensional alternate being born remains low all the same.

Remember, for the sake of this discussion, one is not a dimensional alternate unless they have identicial DNA. I don't want to get too graphic here, but if you think about it, it's much more likely that the equivalent of a fraternal twin or a sibling would be born than a dimensional alternate with identical DNA. Whether the first X chromosome is identical would depend on when the baby was conceived, and the second X or Y chromosome would have a low probability of being identical regardless of when conception took place.

This is a problem with time travel as well. I know the universe was pretty easy going in Back To The Future, but I still think Marty should've shapeshifted some as he messed with continuity. Heck, he could've even wound up changing genders!

...

To the fan art machine!

Exponentially Complicated

When you consider the various reasons two people might not meet and the odds against a specific person being born, the odds of one person existing in multiple universes is pretty low. Thing is, that's just one generation. This applies to every single previous generation.

As such, not only are the odds of one specific person being born astronomically low, but the odds of their parents, grandparents, etc. were low, too. The odds of the family tree being multiversally constant becomes exponentially lower with each successive generation.

Actually, I shouldn't say every previous generation. It's really just up to the point where the universes were last identical. For another universe to be recognizable at all as parallel, it seems like it would have to identical up to a point in history.

Let's say Marty's reckless time travel resulted in the universe diverging into two separate universes, meaning the universes are identical up to sometime in the 1950's. Eventually, the ripple effect of the changes to Hill Valley would be far-reaching, but initially, that town would be the only place with significant changes. By the 1980s, the odds of the latest generation of Hill Valleyans being identical in both universes would be pretty low.

CONCLUSION!

My conclusion is thus: Short of some outside force manipulating who is and isn't born in each universe, the odds of a single person existing in multiple universes where events were different prior to their birth are low to the point of essentially being non-existent.

As such, in a hypothetical universe where things are left to chance and, for example, America lost the revolutionary war, none of us would logically exist.

In spite of all this, the concept is fun enough that I am willing to ignore it, work around it, whatever I've gotta do to be able to write and enjoy parallel universe stories. Yes, there are logical flaws, but science doesn't run the show when it comes to fiction.

This mic is great! Wait, what's with the--NOOOOO~!!!

The new microphone is great. I tested it by an open window and still barely got any background noise, and what I got should be nothing Audacity can't handle. I also got a new pop filter, so I should be ready to test everything.

Should being the keyword because apparently mic stands are different in Europe and the makers of this microphone apparently felt it best to pre-install the European adapter screw thus making it incompatible with the stand it came with until I can figure out how to remove it which I am finding exceedingly difficult as there is no tool in my possession designed for this purpose and the microphone can't stand on it's own once the USB cord is connected and even if I drive back out to Guitar Center to buy a separate stand I will still have to contend with removing the adapter because I'm betting they don't sell European stands and even if they did why would I buy one short of assuming all future microphones I may own are going to be European and that's not even taking into account the fact that something like that is probably low in supply and demand so if they did have one they'd likely import it and sell it for more so what the hell why did this thing come pre-installed why couldn't they have left that decision up to me?!

Seriously, an adapter is an extra "you might need this, but the majority probably won't unless they're traveling" sort of thing. I appreciate it being included, but I don't understand why it came already screwed in there. It looks like it could be taken out with an over-sized screwdriver, but I don't think I have a screwdriver with this huge a tip. Heck, I don't think I've ever seen one with this huge a tip. The gap is, like, nickel-sized.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure something out and I'm pleased that I will finally be able to record with some measure of quality, but I find this particularly ridiculous. If you know why they packaged it this way, please put me in my place and tell me, because right now I'm just baffled. There was room in the box for it, but I guess they might have saved a tiny amount on plastic per unit sold by having it screwed in there?

EDIT: And two seconds with a pair of scissors used in a MacGyver-esque fashion solved the problem. Ah well. Was still fun to rant.

ALICE In Wonderland! ALICE!

I follow several RSS feeds about movies, TV, games, etc in an effort to stay on top of pop culture and not look like a dang fool. As a result, I have been keeping tabs on the performance of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, a movie I found I really enjoyed.

I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did. Thanks to the marketing of the film, I expected the focus to be unduly on Johnny Depp and the Mad Hatter. He was focused on in the commercials, every poster I saw focused on the hatter... I fully expected this to spiritually be Willy Wonka 2: The Wonkening.

My Thoughts On Avatar

I have been directed to many blogs, editorials and news articles regarding James Cameron's Avatar and the controversy thereof. I have decided that it is absolutely, positively, and incontrovertibly necessary for me to give my in-depth impression of the film.

Ooh, ooh, lookit the 3D! Wow, an alien world! It's so shiny and immersive! Those animals are kewl and realistic looking! Man, it would be neato to have an avatar... dude, Jake is learning all this stuff and getting better and better and oops he fell that is HILARIOUS! OMG FLYING O_O This is fun and awesome and ACTION! Wow, what a fight! Fun and shiny and... story? There's a story? I didn't notice; I was too busy having fun visiting Pandora.

Those are my highly intellectual thoughts on the subject. I hope you have found it enlightening.

How To Solve All Celebrity Scandals Forever

I've been hearing a lot about celebrities behaving badly lately. Every time I turn on celebrity gossip shows, they're talking about celebrity gossip, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I watch these shows day in and day out waiting for them to give me the damn football score, but they never do!

In light of this frustration, I have decided there is only one solution: end celebrity scandal forever.

Over the past couple of minutes, I have considered the best ways to accomplish this. My first solution was to make everyone celebrities, because when everybody is a celebrity, no one will be. I would have accomplished this by giving everyone on Earth their own reality TV show, but that fell through when I realized there would be nobody left to film it all. Tripod technology must advance to brave new heights before this gem of an idea can shine.

My second, insanely brilliant solution was to buy out all the news networks and replace them with increasing numeric incarnations of ESPN, thereby guaranteeing that someone, somewhere would give me the damn score. Unfortunately, all that appears to be in my piggy bank at the moment is a button for a jacket I no longer own and one extremely territorial spider, so I don't have the necessary funds to pull this off. I'm considering getting a paper route to rectify this.

My third solution, one ordained by the heavens themselves and delivered unto my brain by a heavenly choir, was to encourage all celebrities to move to Las Vegas. I have been informed that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, so should the celebrities misbehave, we won't have to hear about. Whatever misbehavior they indulge in will be engulfed by the black hole that is the glittery Vega strip, sparing the rest of us the misery and torment of learning that many of the celebrities we love and idolize are over-glorified jackasses.

Of course, while these are all good ideas, it has just now this very instant occurred to me that I can probably find football scores online, which would probably be a lot easier. Let's see if I can find the one I was looking for...

Ah, here we go! 12.

Rant - Star Trek Special Edition Case Insert

Ok, I know I just wrote in length about a DVD and I don't want to give the wrong impression about what manner of blog this is, but this rant is gonna happen.

I was generously given the new Star Trek (Two-Disc Digital Copy Edition) for Christmas. It is worth noting on the side that this came with quite an enjoyable movie that I absolutely love, a digital copy of it and a ton of extras, but frankly, that is all entirely ruined by the horrible, horrible packaging. And no, I refer not simply to the image I have included. It gets far, far worse.