Wednesday, January 6, 2010

IM Chat - BatFigure's Productivity Advice

DanTheShive: Ah, instant messaging. Is there any activity more worthwhile?

BatFigure: I'm Batman.

DanTheShive: GAH! What the hell? You have an instant messenger?

BatFigure: Of course I do. I'm Batman.

DanTheShive: No, you're not. You're a Justice League Batman figure I bought from a comic book store and are in no way a threat to DC and its various trademarks and copyrights.

What do you want, anyway?

BatFigure: I'm here to improve your productivity with a series of handy tips that you need to remember.

DanTheShive: You can't be serious.

BatFigure: I'm Batman. I'm always serious.

#1 - It's best for concentration to work in silence and without distractions. You should only be listening to something other than your work if there are other sounds beyond your control that are distracting you. Even in those such cases, however, you should never, ever, listen to rock and roll.

DanTheShive: What's wrong with rock and--


DanTheShive: ...K?

BatFigure: #2 - Only have a web browser open if reference material is needed. Once you have found the material you need, save it to your hard drive and close the browser. Otherwise, it's just going to be a distraction.

#3 - Drink plenty of fluids and eat when you're hungry. You're far less productive when you're thinking with your stomach.

DanTheShive: But my stomach has great ideas!

BatFigure: Your stomach is a hack!

#4 - Never kill criminals. It's bad for repeat business.

DanTheShive: Criminals? What are you talking about? I don't fight crime!

BatFigure: #5 - Enlist the assistance of young wards.

DanTheShive: I don't think--

BatFigure: #6 - Sign up for a Bat Credit Card. I recommend the rewards program.

DanTheShive: That's it. I'm out of here.

DanTheShive has logged out

BatFigure: #7 - Get a female sidekick and give her a feminine form of your name.

BatFigure: #8 - Totally make out with her.

BatFigure: #9 - Die and get replaced by one of your young wards.

BatFigure: ...Dan?

BatFigure: Crap. The Bat Signal.

BatFigure has logged out


  1. I need something like Batman to help me concentrate on my homework. What's funny is I just decided listening to my iPod would be a bad idea, I probably shouldn't check on all my internet stuff, and I just ate a can of Chef Boyardee. Then I read this, and was like, "Wait... What?"

    My motivator shall be.... Hi-Lighter Sam! :D

    At least until my boyfriend comes back from winter break. He's strangely good at keeping me on task and motivating me to finish as soon as possible.

  2. The last three instructions seem the most important. However, I foresee some slight variations, considering who you are and all.

    Variant #5

    7.) Get a male sidekick and turn him into a totally hot female sidekick. Demean him mildly with effeminate name with slight correlations to his original name.

    8.) Totally make out with her.

    9.) Much transgender/form shenanigans. Hopefully involving little in the way of productivity.

    That's what I'm seeing anyways.

    Just sayin'.

  3. Wow. Thank you for that. That totally made my day.

  4. Good to see someone other then MaRo getting fresh and fun with their formats: not to mention refreshing.

    Thanks much, Dan!

    (p.s. if today's comic ends too poorly for Nanase and Ellen we are going to have words. Terribly shouty words.)

  5. My desktop motivator only seems to talk about the various things he consideres to be the right of all sentient beings, and constantly insists that he is not, in fact, a "munky".

  6. OK Dan, I was skeptical at first, but that was pretty damn funny.

  7. Personally, music actually helps me concentrate on writing. Otherwise, good times.

  8. Not bad advice, especially the part about web browsers being a distraction. I've had to disconnect myself from the internet most of the time when I try to write fiction since I always end up going on TVtropes or something.

    The only rule I can't really follow ever is #1, mostly because silence really isn't a possibility where I live, for the most part, and music helps me tune everything out. And though Batman would disapprove, heavy metal seems to work bes for that.

    Besides that, I think Batman gave very good advice. And, as a rule, I always accept advice from caped crusaders who can breathe in space.

  9. I think Batman would be totally into heavy Metal if not for he is not much for getting his head bit off by Ozzy.

    And I AM BATMAN. :P

  10. I think BatFigure (and not me) could have phrased #1 better. He's saying that silence is ideal, and that music and the like should only be played if it's to cover other sounds that are beyond your control.

    To clarify:

    If it's quiet, keep it that way. If there's background noise that's distracting you, put on something more enjoyable and less distracting (i.e. a lesser of two evils). He is not saying you should never use music even if there's a construction crew nearby or something.

    I don't defend the anti rock and roll comment, however. Batman, and BatFigure by extension, just take issue with that for some reason.

  11. I love that All-Star Batman reference in there. It made me laugh so hard.

  12. I meant Batman Fortunate Son, actually. Sorry. :P

  13. He's right aboout rock. I only listen to 100% authentic Zelda soundtracks while art-ing. Unless I'm art-ing about rocks, which are easy to draw.