BatFigure: I'm Batman.
DanTheShive: GAH! What the hell? You have an instant messenger?
BatFigure: Of course I do. I'm Batman.
DanTheShive: No, you're not. You're a Justice League Batman figure I bought from a comic book store and are in no way a threat to DC and its various trademarks and copyrights.
What do you want, anyway?
BatFigure: I'm here to improve your productivity with a series of handy tips that you need to remember.
DanTheShive: You can't be serious.
BatFigure: I'm Batman. I'm always serious.
#1 - It's best for concentration to work in silence and without distractions. You should only be listening to something other than your work if there are other sounds beyond your control that are distracting you. Even in those such cases, however, you should never, ever, listen to rock and roll.
DanTheShive: What's wrong with rock and--
BatFigure: RAGE OF A BEAST!
BatFigure: #2 - Only have a web browser open if reference material is needed. Once you have found the material you need, save it to your hard drive and close the browser. Otherwise, it's just going to be a distraction.
#3 - Drink plenty of fluids and eat when you're hungry. You're far less productive when you're thinking with your stomach.
DanTheShive: But my stomach has great ideas!
BatFigure: Your stomach is a hack!
#4 - Never kill criminals. It's bad for repeat business.
DanTheShive: Criminals? What are you talking about? I don't fight crime!
BatFigure: #5 - Enlist the assistance of young wards.
DanTheShive: I don't think--
BatFigure: #6 - Sign up for a Bat Credit Card. I recommend the rewards program.
DanTheShive: That's it. I'm out of here.
DanTheShive has logged out
BatFigure: #7 - Get a female sidekick and give her a feminine form of your name.
BatFigure: #8 - Totally make out with her.
BatFigure: #9 - Die and get replaced by one of your young wards.
BatFigure: Crap. The Bat Signal.
BatFigure has logged out